life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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