Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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