Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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