She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
