things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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