I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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