he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
