erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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