OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
