You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
