I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
