my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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