tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
