Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
