Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
