Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
