I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She told me I should be a condom model.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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