omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
