He is an equal opportunity slut.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
