I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
