saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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