what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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