the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize