just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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