How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
