I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
