Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
