woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
