I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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