Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
