the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
