He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love you. Go after that dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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