Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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