Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
