I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
