Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you made out with another girl for some wings
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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