So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
