Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
