i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
