I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
