Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
