mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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