So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my poor anus
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
