I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
