Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
