I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We named our party play list daddy issues
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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