i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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