He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
