Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
