dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
