I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
