awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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