remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
