He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
