There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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