I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize