When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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