you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
