So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
