im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
