just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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