If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
