Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
