I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
