Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
