I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
