if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
